Do you get earworms, Reader?

Not like actual worms, but a word or a phrase triggers a song and then suddenly it's in your head forever and ever... or until Taylor Swift releases a new album? May first is May Day, which is about protesting and speaking out against injustices, but there is also a song called Mayday by my favorite band, Three Days Grace, that's been on repeat up in here since. Also, also, "It's Gonna be May" from the N'Sync meme / mis-lyric.

All of this to say, HI! Sorry if you missed me in April. It was Earth Month and I was working really hard on getting the books ready for release, trying to be more green, and watching the fall of human decency.

If you're new here, welcome! I'm Noelle, AKA E. N. Crane and Noelle Rider, and I write books for animal lovers with a wicked sense of humor. My main characters are plus-sized, coffee addicted, and frankly just tired of your shit. (Not you specifically, but you know what I mean and if you don't... sorry.)

I'm a plus-sized, neuro-divergent dog mom, city government employee, wife, reader, and step-ladder substitute for short people who need help. I love coffee, Peeps, cheese, and crushing fragile male egos into dust.

I have for you some E. N. Crane Updates, Noelle Rider Updates, and Me Updates, so stick around or skip around. The choice is yours.

E. N. Crane News: Winnie Art Cards!

June 1st is an event called Arts and Roses and the local bookstore, Rediscovered Books, invited me to be one of the authors signing books for about an hour at the event. Since it has Art right in the name, I felt like I needed ART (cue productive procrastination music), so i made a full color hard cover of Witching and Scheming and commissioned character art of Winnie, everyone's favorite character, to go with all Sharp Investigations books! All online orders already come with stickers, but now- ART CARDS!

She's so stinking cute, I just can't get over it. The artist, Anna L, used Perry and the book description to draw her and I designed the backgrounds. She's absolutely perfect. There's a video on the socials of Perry choosing one of the images because I couldn't do it. You should check it out, total boss move.

Jumping Judiciary Corruption will probably be ready for readers mid June if you'd like to sign up to ARC! Just fill out this Google Form for E N Crane ARCs and I'll hopefully have the pre-order up then as well!

If you are behind, you'll NEED to read Howling to Restore Honor before Jumping. You can get it on my site or the 'Zon:

Speaking of Amazon, they sent me 5ish messed up copies of Barking for Business that were cut to the wrong size. I don't really want to put them up on the website, so if you want one and are OK with knowing they will NEVER be the same size as their friends, hit reply and let me know and I'll send you a purchase link. They're $10, total, including within US shipping and include stickers. Maybe even the new Art Cards. IDK yet.

Noelle Rider News - Two Corks in a Curse is DONE!

That's right. Tempe and Draigus are off with their editor, a nice lady in New Zealand who loves Fantasy and Romance. She's going to see about helping me with my bad reviewer problem. Do I think it's necessarily my book sucks? Maybe. But rather than tie myself up trying to make minor tweaks and hoping this one is the one that will make people love me, I figured I'd let a complete outsider try her hand. Her business is called Black Wolf Editorial, which is totally badass.

This book has all the feels. It also has all the spice, trauma, and dark humor. I'm not sure people who are mentally stable will like it and if it's safe for those who are not, but if you have a praise kink and think bad things should happen to bad people, and can do OK with wondering if the substance abuse of a parent that resulted in their death is your fault, Fill Out this Google Form for Noelle Rider ARCs. There's also a cat named Corky and a dog named Rogue, and... just... I love Tempe. I gave her my AuDHD and I have to say that it was comforting to write a hyper-independent character who's afraid everyone will hate her if she stops fixing her face to show them who they want.

The cover isn't quite ready, but she's gonna be gorgeous.

There are also now 5 more "Deformed" copies of witching up on the Website including a fun "Goth" Version Amazon made! How and why, no one knows. These also ship free, and you can see them all here:

Personally...

Honestly, I wake up every morning and prepare to say "What the actual fuck?" Like a lot... I'm worried about my friends who do not conform to the agenda, I'm worried about people starving because they are deprived of resources, and I'm worried about breaking down from worry. So... small victories.

1. Michael and I planted trees in the park for Earth Day. We named them Dipper and Mable.
2. The City of Boise passed an ordinance making the Pride flag an OFFICIAL flag of the city when the state tried to be a petty douche who wanted to make problems instead of doing something about real ones. The biggots came out, but so did the lovers. And it was beautiful to watch the mayor get to show everyone they belong.
3. I did not punch and assholes in the face.
4. Perry and Padfoot exist and let me dress them up.

Send us some pet pics because everything is a dumpster fire.

Love,

Noelle, Perry & Padfoot